Here's to You Dad aka Mole Hunter

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An Unassuming Mole Hunter

An Unassuming Mole Hunter

In honor of Father’s Day I wanted to take some time out to talk about my dad Rod. Now there are dozens of stories I could tell including some old favorites involving broken toes. Such as the time when the riding lawn mower fell off the back of the truck onto dad’s bare feet. Or the time when he stepped up onto the seawall in Mexico and a coconut fell off the tree onto his bare foot.

Or the countless stories involving the welding torch which is where our story picks up.
My Dad has always done things his own way, maybe it stems from the fact that he was a cop and felt the rules didn’t exactly apply to him.  My favorite story is that of his mole hunting exploits.  We lived on a little over 5 acres of which about 2 acres was beautifully manicured lawn.  I spent approximately 5 hours on the mower every week.  To call my dad persnickety would be the understatement of the year.  If you’ve ever seen the anal retentive fisherman on SNL that is Rod.  So as it turns out one summer we started to have a bad mole problem on dad’s beloved grass.  He started with the usual remedies:  metal traps,some kind of water activated white powder that  made some kind of mole killing gas, 100’s of gallons of water, M-80’s. Of course all of these attempts were ineffective so he started to escalate.  He moved to dumping all the used motor oil we had on our property down the hole.  I know I know.  Once again that did nothing.  Finally one beautiful Saturday I was out riding my bike up and down the driveway and I noticed that dad had pushed the welding cart over onto the lawn.  I couldn’t quite see what he was doing but he had the nozzle of the oxy-acetylene torch pushed down one of the mole holes and turns out he was pumping pure acetylene down the hole.  If you know anything about these gases you know that acetylene is heavier than air so it quickly filled all of the mole tunnels.  Brilliant right?  This is where things go terribly wrong.  Dad then preceded to grab the torch striker which is effectively a flint that you click back and forth.

Now in my head I’m thinking (Noooooooo!!!!!!, I’m 7, dad’s a grown adult).What happens next is difficult to put into words it’s so spectacular.  I would guess the cone of flame that erupted from the mole hole to be approximately 8 feet tall, it was at least 5 and half feet tall as that was the height of my father’s former eyebrows.  The explosion caused a deep rumbling in the yard, I’m not sure if it was that or the flames that threw my dad to the ground.  If you’ve seen Caddyshack you will no doubt remember the scene when the gopher holes start exploding and the tunnels raise up, that’s exactly what happened. The explosion created a beautiful patchwork of raised tunnels throughout the yard. It was indeed spectacular and in my 36 years of life I have never witnessed it’s equal .  Long story short, the mole was fine and he had to hire a professional to come and remove the mole.  And yes his eyebrows did eventually grow back.  Happy Father’s Day.  I Love you Dad.

Have you got your own special Dad story to tell, let’s hear it!

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Pete & Patricia Van Lierop 2009/06/19 at 12:22 pm

What a priceless gift to write your fun thoughts of your Dad.
Thanks for sharing, we had no idea he had these hidden talents.
Adorable,
Hugs,
Patricia & Pete Van Lierop

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Lisa Bragg 2009/06/19 at 12:41 pm

When we were kids we used to hang out in the cul-de-sac in which we lived. We did things that, well kids did! We built forts, we raced bikes, we built bike ramps. Often times we played until it got dark and or Mom called us in, so the ramp more often than not stayed up until the next day.
One such evening my father came home from work later than usual. I remember him driving down the lane with our old gold station wagon, the windows down; his arm resting out the window.
No one could have anticipated what would happen next. How or why he didnt steer around it, one will never know. Dad drove staright onto the 3 foot bike ramp with the wagon. The wagon made a horrific sound, the sounds of parts falling off and onto the cement echoed throughout the cul-de-sac and his smile quickly was replaced with a mix of anger and shock. The words that were then uttered were do profane, they still haunt all of us to this day. But Oh my do I also still laugh to this day!! My father died when I was young, but Happy fathers Day all the same!!

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Kari Collier 2009/06/19 at 5:00 pm

Your dad is a client of mine currently (I do massage), and I have had the pleasure of being entertained by his stories about dealing with wayward plant life…never has he mentioned the mole incident. I look forward to gently teasing him about that the next time I see him. Thanks for the great laugh and a new look into your dad.

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Dan & Sooz 2009/06/20 at 8:02 am

We remember that story and that the explosion ended in the flower bod on the porch by the house! This is one story NOT about me! Sooz

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